I have a confession to make…

Results UpdateI have been posting a week after what’s actually been happening. I had my transfer on May 26, and beta on June 5th. I was trying to read into stupid things like a winery I discovered last year is out of the wine I wanted, so that must mean that I’m pregnant since I can’t drink. Or, Kim Kardashian is sharing her infertility struggle with the world, plus she’s pregnant now, so that MUST be a sign.  I’ve made it through my TWW without spotting like last time, so that must be a sign. My boobs still hurt, that must be a sign.It’s been a week since I found out my beta was only 2. I signed up to get my results online, so I had been checking the page all day for my results. The clinic called me around 3:30 to say they haven’t received my results yet, but keep going with my meds. They will call me the next day. When I checked the lab website a few minutes later, there it was. A lowly 2.

I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t going to work. The embryo was 4BB, compared to our fresh 2AB. Our remaining embryo is 4B-B-. When I met with my RE after the failed cycle, he said the quality rating doesn’t determine the outcome. But I don’t know if I believe him. We’ll go through with another FET and transfer the last embryo, but then what? I don’t think this last embryo will work either.

In terms of how I’m feeling, I’m ok I guess. Last Sunday, two days after I got the news, we went to DH’s co-worker’s home for a BBQ. What DH forgot to mention was that it was a birthday party for one year old twins! It wasn’t a big deal that it was a kids birthday, but what made it so much worse was that there were THREE pregnant women. THREE!!!!! The host’s dad joked that they should’ve invited a midwife just in case. The host’s mom joked that pregnancy is an epidemic. So HILARIOUS!!

I wanted to leave pretty quick, but some of DH’s other coworkers showed up, so we just hung out with them. I ended up having a good time relative to what I was feeling.

Since I got back to work, things have been normal. Sitting at home definitely made it worse. I just sat there watched TV, bored, and wallowed in self-pity. At least when I’m at work, I have things to focus on.

My period has started, I have gone for my baseline, and I’m back on estrogen. Based on our schedule, I don’t think we would be able to do another fresh cycle until September.

25 thoughts on “I have a confession to make…

  1. I have to agree with ur doctor on this one. Our embryos that took were all B & Cs. Sure I had miscarriages but they had nothing to do with the quality of the embryos. Our last transfer was a BC grading if I remember correctly and it took. Stay positive!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 😦 Oh girl, I am so sorry. And it must have been difficult at that party. You know regarding the embryos… My friend had a 4BB day-six embryo that was not even a morula on day five. It was really really slow. But she froze it and had an FET for her number two. He became this wonderful baby. I just hung out with him last week. So it is possible. I hope that yours will also become a live baby. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh hun I am so sorry! But have some faith for that little low grade guy (or gal). Another blogger I used to follow had the worst of the worst embryos and he is now bouncing on her leg at four months :). Ya just never know. Hang in there! Sending ya hugs, prayers, and positive vibes. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If you need a hope story I currently have an “ugly” little 3BC gestating at nearly 18wks in my host surrogate 🙂 I am totally with your Dr, grading kinda means nothing apart from pure visual appearance.
    This next one might just be your one!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ugh I am so sorry the FET didn’t work 😦 It seems like during these times is when you run into every pregnant woman in the world! Don’t give up just yet, that embie could be your little one!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so sorry this one didn’t work! I have faith in your last frosty, though. Just because this one didn’t work doesn’t mean the next one won’t. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself and treat yourself to something nice. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Glad to hear you are enjoying some wine in your time off…but sorry it was a negative too. And. Oh yes. I love it when so many pregnant women are around and people say things like hey! Don’t drink the water!! You’ll get pregnant. Hilarious. If only they knew! Best of luck next time girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I too remember attending a baby shower shortly after a BFN. I feel your pain. On a more positive note, at day 5, I had a morula and an early blast transferred. They are now 14 month boy-girl twins. Best of luck to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: I’m back…kind of… | Baby, Are you Coming?

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