It’s been one week since I got the call. I’m sad, but I haven’t really had an ugly cry. I haven’t cried much at all. I think I knew that Skittle wasn’t going to stick around when my boobs stopped hurting on 7DP5DT. I guess I sub-consciously prepared myself for the worse.
I may have had an embryo inside of me, but I don’t consider myself to have been pregnant. In a twisted way, I’m grateful that the loss was before implantation. My “period” came a day and a half (missing 5 Endometrin doses) after stopping my progesterone. I was expecting it to be heavy, painful, and all-around awful. But it wasn’t. It was a little heavier than normal, but no messy leakage all over the place. Again, I’m grateful for that.
I’ve also been indulging in pregnancy no-no’s like wine, SUSHI, runny eggs, and more WINE! I was also invited to the advanced level of Bar Method on Friday. I went to my first level 2 class on Saturday, and I gave it my all. Something I wouldn’t have been able to do if I was pregnant. I’ve been working out pretty hard the last few days. I think the routine of going to class has helped me with moving on.
On Saturday, I was texting an old boss of mine. We were talking about work related stuff, then he tells me his girlfriend was pregnant! I asked if it was planned, because the guy I know was not ready to be in a relationship, let alone be a parent. He said it was planned, but earlier than expected. I asked how far along, and he said 5 weeks. FIVE EFFING WEEKS!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Why is he telling people? He had found out on Monday. The day of my first beta. I would’ve been 5 weeks this Monday. She got pregnant around the time I had my ER.
I hate to say that I’m jealous, but I am, and I’m sad. That should’ve been me (not having my boss’ baby…EW), but I should also be pregnant now. I should also be having a child in 2015. But I’m not.
Things are in motion for our FET. I’m temping, and waiting for AF to arrive. DH wants to transfer both embies. I don’t really want to because I don’t want to carry twins. I’m a small person, I don’t know how my body can handle it. I had a LEEP procedure done two years ago, and one of the side effects is an incompetent cervix. While the OB don’t think it would be a problem, I don’t want to risk premature delivery. I don’t want a twin stroller. I want to be able to wear my baby, and I can’t really do that with two. I know these are superficial things, but these are things I think about. I contacted my RE to discuss the risks, but I haven’t heard back about the appointment time yet. I guess there isn’t much I can do until I know more about carrying multiples.