7 days later…

It’s been one week since I got the call. I’m sad, but I haven’t really had an ugly cry. I haven’t cried much at all. I think I knew that  Skittle wasn’t going to stick around when my boobs stopped hurting on 7DP5DT. I guess I sub-consciously prepared myself for the worse.

I may have had an embryo inside of me, but I don’t consider myself to have been pregnant. In a twisted way, I’m grateful that the loss was before implantation. My “period” came a day and a half (missing 5 Endometrin doses) after stopping my progesterone. I was expecting it to be heavy, painful, and all-around awful. But it wasn’t. It was a little heavier than normal, but no messy leakage all over the place. Again, I’m grateful for that.

I’ve also been indulging in pregnancy no-no’s like wine, SUSHI, runny eggs, and more WINE! I was also invited to the advanced level of Bar Method on Friday. I went to my first level 2 class on Saturday, and I gave it my all. Something I wouldn’t have been able to do if I was pregnant. I’ve been working out pretty hard the last few days. I think the routine of going to class has helped me with moving on.

On Saturday, I was texting an old boss of mine. We were talking about work related stuff, then he tells me his girlfriend was pregnant! I asked if it was planned, because the guy I know was not ready to be in a relationship, let alone be a parent. He said it was planned, but earlier than expected. I asked how far along, and he said 5 weeks. FIVE EFFING WEEKS!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Why is he telling people? He had found out on Monday. The day of my first beta. I would’ve been 5 weeks this Monday. She got pregnant around the time I had my ER.

I hate to say that I’m jealous, but I am, and I’m sad. That should’ve been me (not having my boss’ baby…EW), but I should also be pregnant now. I should also be having a child in 2015. But I’m not.

Things are in motion for our FET. I’m temping, and waiting for AF to arrive. DH wants to transfer both embies. I don’t really want to because I don’t want to carry twins. I’m a small person, I don’t know how my body can handle it. I had a LEEP procedure done two years ago, and one of the side effects is an incompetent cervix. While the OB don’t think it would be a problem, I don’t want to risk premature delivery. I don’t want a twin stroller. I want to be able to wear my baby, and I can’t really do that with two. I know these are superficial things, but these are things I think about. I contacted my RE to discuss the risks, but I haven’t heard back about the appointment time yet. I guess there isn’t much I can do until I know more about carrying multiples.

15 thoughts on “7 days later…

  1. I’m sad that it didn’t work, but I love that you are indulging in all the pregnancy no-no’s – that’s what I always did and love doing now. And I also think it’s great that you are gearing up for your FET. 🙂 I hope you and DH are able to decide on how many to transfer without too much anxiety over it. Sending you love.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sad for you too but happy you’re doing what you enjoy and moving forward! I will say my friend did not get pregnant her first transfer post retrieval but did get pregnant with twins her first FET. The docs told her that the first transfer post retrieval doesn’t always work due to all the medications in your system. I used an egg donor so never went through the retrieval process but just something to maybe ask about when you meet with your RE. My DH and I agreed we would always stick with one, purely due to my age and already being high risk! (I’m 45!) You could call me a late bloomer to all things in my life, career, marriage and now a family! 😉


  3. I am so sorry things did not work out but I am am glad you are getting a chance to indulge in a few things. I feel you on the desire to just transfer 1. That is what we ultimately did and I am glad we made that choice. Everyone is different though!


  4. I’m so sorry that this time it didn’t work. I also had a leep procedure done 2 years ago. But i didn’t follow up. And had to do another one last fall. My obgyn was against me doing ivf until she did another pap this upcoming may. But DH and I was impatient. I have my fet next Wednesday. And I’m fearful for an incompetent cervix as well. Good for you on getting back on routine and enjoying yourself. And best wishes on your upcoming fet.


  5. I had a LEEP done. When pregnant, around week 12 I was referred to a perinatologist. They said they would closely monitor the length of my cervix between weeks 14-16 as this is when it is known to shorten from the LEEP. If it starts to, they can put in a stitch. I just thought Id share bc i found it helpful. Best of luck on FET.


  6. I am so sorry it didn’t work the first go round 😦 Enjoy indulging in all of those things you couldn’t have for now because next go round it’ll be off limits again when ARE pregnant!! You may not feel like transferring two is right for you and that is totally ok. Go with your gut, you know what is right for you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so sorry this cycle did’t work. I can honestly say that a FET is a much easier cycle. We transferred two knowing we might have twins, but only one took. I felt better knowing we gave it our best shot, but you definitely should think about it if you are not sure about twins. Hope this break goes well for you. Will be rooting for you during your FET.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: MicroblogMonday: FET protocol | Baby, Are you Coming?

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