I’m writing this on Sunday. As you’re reading this, I’m either in the procedure, or recovering. I’m excited, but I also feel a sense of dread. It feels like this is the beginning of the end, instead of the beginning.This whole time, I’ve just been focused on when I would be pregnant, and what my due date would be (Dec. 6th, 2015). But I haven’t given much thought as to how we got here, and how this will affect our chances. I’ve only been thinking about how healthy I am, and how the doctors and nurses say my numbers are great. But we’re here because of DH’s sperm, and also his chromosome abnormality. It doesn’t matter if I’m perfectly healthy. If the embryologist can’t find healthy sperm, then this is all for nothing. So what if they retrieve great eggs from me? None of this matters if my eggs don’t have a healthy partner. We chose not to do PGD/PGS because of cost, and also because of our conversation with the genetics counsellors. Because DH’s abnormality is on chromosome 1, it’s pretty much a fatal mutation. If an embryo makes it to day 5 to biopsy, chances are it’s a healthy embryo. Further, DH’s dad also has the same abnormality, and he’s had three children! What this tells us is that the abnormality may not be the reason for DH’s bad sperm. It could be related, but could be completely unrelated. I just feel defeated. I’m trying to be hopeful, but hope is on a vacation. Please pray for us!
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