I don’t need to have children

I discovered today that my 31, almost 32 year old husband is like a 4 year old child. He was recently prescribed anti-depressants to help him with his anxiety, and depression. He was instructed by his doctor twice, not once, but twice, that he should only take half a pill because he did not feel well after taking one full pill. So what happens today? He takes one full pill by mistake because he said he wasn’t “thinking”. To be honest, I think he was just too lazy to cut the pill in half, and thought he can handle it since he’s been taking the pills for about three weeks.Patience

Lo, and behold, his body couldn’t handle it. He messaged me at work, and said he was going home sick. He hadn’t taken a sick day in the last 14 years. So I was really concerned that something really bad was happening. He said he started coughing on his way to work, and by the time he got to work, he was dry heaving, but couldn’t throw up. He went home after half an hour. I felt bad that he wasn’t feeling well. But it’s so frustrating when he knew he couldn’t handle the dosage. When he got home, he told me his heart was racing, he felt feverish, and had cold sweats. He seemed to be fine otherwise.

I was able to convince him to call the psychologist for an appointment. I’m so grateful that God has answered my prayers. Unfortunately, DH got the psychologist’s voicemail, so we don’t know when he will actually have an appointment with him.

Now for the frustrating, even annoying, part of the day. When I came home, I checked to see how he was doing. He looked tired, and defeated. I go into the kitchen to cut up his pills for him, since he clearly wasn’t going to do it on his own, and what do I see? Used coffee grounds. He said his heart was racing, so he comes home and makes himself a big cup of coffee? It’s not like he makes watery coffee. He makes strong, intense coffee! I just could not believe it. There wasn’t any coffee leftover in his cup either. He drank the whole thing. I can’t believe he didn’t understand that coffee will make your heart race! How is it possible that he doesn’t understand? I don’t understand why he doesn’t understand. It’s so hard for me to be patient with him when he does things like this.

I know I sound like an unsupportive wife. I’ve tried so hard to help him, to give him suggestions on how to manage anxiety, but it’s fallen on deaf ears. He’s convinced that nothing will work even though he hasn’t tried it. I understand it’s his depression, and not him. His depression has frozen him in his thoughts. He’s so unhappy at work that going to work gives him anxiety attacks, but he won’t quit because he doesn’t have a new plan, even though I told him he can be without a plan, and we will be okay. I even dug out his work documents that explains his short-term disability benefits. He has so many options, but he’s just so frozen in his thoughts that he can’t create a plan, let alone act on it.

All I can do now is pray that God will give me the strength and patience that I desperately need, and hope the psychologist will call him back! I can’t help him on my own.

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6 thoughts on “I don’t need to have children

  1. Guys can be so hard headed and stubborn! I will say a prayer him and you as well. God is the only one who can move this situation the direction it needs to go.

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  2. My father struggles with depression – he has had two episodes, both after he retired and in his 70s and in between them was on medication for awhile. It is really tough on the family. Some of the issues that you mentioned, the defeated look, the rumination, it really reminds me of when he is in those periods. Often, I couldn’t help him either (there was one incident, where he was with my brother in the botanic gardens and he just couldn’t decide whether to keep walking or whether he wanted to pay the entry to the orchid gardens- I’d never seen my grown brother reduced to tears before, but as he said that day, sometimes you can’t even recognize the person you love).

    I am so very much in admiration that you support, manage and help him. It can be a whole other second job. It is not just the depression and the side effects, but even the powerful medication, which itself can alter their moods, their appetite and their lifestyle. With my dad, it took us awhile and a lot of trial and error to find the right help, but the combination of constant exercise, more careful and clean diet, a doctor who runs a university research lab and who combines psychological and coaching sessions with low-dose medication did wonders. He hasn’t been on the medication for years now but knows the triggers and warning signs to watch for, when he then has to restart the counselling and medication.

    It’s just something he, and our family, have to manage, because there’s no cure for the condition. I hope very much for you both your husband is able to get this kind of support and help that we were really fortunate to find and I really understand your frustration and fear.

    Much love and positive thoughts to you,

    Weylin
    http://www.wishingawayinfertility.blogspot.com

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    • Hi Weylin,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s been a challenging few weeks. I know it will be a long battle. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can. He still hasn’t agreed to see a psychologist, but I’ve scheduled an appointment with a counsellor to help me deal with everything.

      Xo
      Michelle

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