Today is the perfect day to start living your dreams…or not.

I saw this image on my Instagram feed yesterday just after DH and I had a chat about how he was feeling. If I had saw this image before our conversation, I would be all for it. But alas, I saw it after, and I just felt defeated. At the end of our conversation, well, I ended the conversation, DH said “well, we’re not having kids any time soon anyway”. To which I said, “we could be trying to have kids, and could have a child by next year if you wanted to”. The only response I got was a shrug.

Which brings me back to the quote. You can only choose to start living your dream if your dream is not dependent on someone else.

That little sentence from DH devastated me. We were having dinner at a restaurant during the conversation, and I couldn’t even look at him. Of course since he’s a man, he doesn’t know why I’ve suddenly stopped talking. He knew something was wrong, and he asked if I was okay. But I couldn’t say what was bothering me without bursting into uncontrollable sobs. So instead I said nothing was the matter, and saved my tears for the bathroom when I got home.
I might be overprotective about his anxiety, and mental health, but I just don’t think he can handle dealing with me being upset in addition to the problems and worries that he already has.
I want to thank everyone who has been commenting on my posts. Your comments have been so supportive and uplifting. I know I can always pour my heart out here.
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6 thoughts on “Today is the perfect day to start living your dreams…or not.

  1. I think this is the hardest thing about infertility. For the longest time my husband wasn't ready for treatment, so my only hope of a child was for sex to work. It did not work. It doesn't seem fair that other couples, whether ready or not, can just dabble in some unprotected sex and all of a sudden the decision is made for them. Instead we have to wait until we are both on the same page about spending lots of money and going through countless tests and prodding and semen analyses to finally get our family. It's not fair.

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  2. It's definitely not fair! My aunt is an OB overseas, and I sent her our test results. She said keep trying naturally, but definitely start IVF. ugh. It's just so frustrating.

    My SIL got pregnant on her first month trying. I'm just dreading the day when they announce they're pregnant with their second 😦

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  3. I totally hear you. In the first two years that we were married, I wanted to start trying for a family. In the back of my mind, I knew that my mother had been early menopausal and she had always put the fear of God in me that it would be difficult to conceive after 30. My husband had just changed jobs and industry, in fact he was out of work when we got married and this made him insecure. He then moved into a more demanding job and was really eager to succeed and advance. He even told me one year, that he would be really stressed if I were to announce I was pregnant. It hurt me so much I can still remember him saying it, today. I didn’t think very much about waiting, part of me felt like yes, this was the plan for us and I’ve never resented it because I know it probably was the better thing for us. We weren’t that old or married that long. Of course, four years after marriage, with no baby on the way and a year plus of IVFs later, I regret those years and the kind of desperation and health compromises that they later exposed me to. He does too, but it’s not his body, you know?

    xo, Weylin
    http://www.wishingawayinfertility.blogspot.com

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    • Hi Weylin,

      Thank you for sharing! Sometimes it’s the people closest to us who says things without realizing how much it hurts. I’m a person who gets easily flustered when having a heated discussion. A lot of times the conversation ends up in a yelling match, so when I feel that might be how a conversation is going to go, I just avoid that conversation altogether. That’s probably why DH doesn’t realize how hurtful some of his comments are.

      I’m praying that everything works out for you!

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